This paper cannot go into all the reasons why a couple getting married should or should not obtain a state marriage license. As with any life-affecting undertaking, people should find out as much as they can before making a decision that cannot be easily undone. This author has read several sources that indicate there is no procedure for rescinding a marriage license once it has been obtained (a divorce still leaves the state as a party to the arrangement). A state-licensed marriage is an agreement between husband, wife and the state. Whereas, a contract-marriage is between husband, wife and God. (One source of information on marriages without license is Mercy Seat Christian Church: 10240 National Ave Ste 129, West Allis, Wisconsin 53227.) On the other hand, marrying without a license and without detailed legal knowledge of how that will affect you is a big mistake. Property ownership, child custody, inheritance, and many day-to-day financial agreements will be affected greatly by the presence or absence of a license. If someone thinks about foregoing a marriage license because it will be easier to split up if "it doesn't work out," they are foolish and should not marry.

What constitutes a marriage in the sight of God? All that is necessary is the clear intent to marry (Gen 24:51) and sexual intercourse consummating the marriage. "Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death" (Gen 24:67). A couple that has sexual intercourse, but no intent to marry has committed fornication, not marriage. A person who intends to marry, but has not consummated the marriage, could potentially have any ceremony or contract annulled. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Gen 2:24).

God is flexible. If a single man and woman are the only two survivors of a shipwreck, and they beach upon some deserted tropical island, they can write a marriage agreement on a piece of bark, read it to God in prayer and "make love" in the sunshine. That marriage is just as valid as the biggest ceremony, planned for years, with thousands of witnesses.

But most marriages should be shared with families, extended families and the entire community. Marriages are not secrets! How does one conduct a marriage without either the Church or State pronouncing the couple man and wife? What ceremony does a couple use? The idea of following traditions for marriages is good in that those who marry are continuing the process of their parents, bringing forth a new generation into the world just as they were brought forth into the world. However, when traditions stray from the teaching of the Bible, then some generation must recognize that and make a new tradition in keeping with the Scriptures.

The reciting of vows in front of witnesses (or the reading of the marriage contract) is an ancient practice and biblically sound. The Bible mentions feasts and ceremonies following a marriage—seven days long sometimes (probably not practical in our day). Jesus turned water into wine at a wedding feast. Yet the Scriptures never state that any of these things are required for marriages. The following are suggestions that a couple might want to use in their own plan for a wedding ceremony—suggestions that this writer hopes to make to his sons someday.

Set a date and place, and invite all the relatives and friends—as is common in our day. A "church building" is a possibility, but not at all a necessity. With all of the thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours that typically go into preparing a wedding, a much higher priority ought to be placed on the purpose of the celebration. If couples are going to face the many decisions of property ownership, health, and child-rearing together, they need to be able to write down their commitment and goals for marriage. If they need help in writing, then they can get it, but just like all of the other marriage decisions, by the grace and inspiration of God, they need to make the final decisions themselves. The purpose of the wedding guests is to encourage the couple and help them get a good start. Practical presents are a good part of this. But the guests should be able to verbally express a positive message to the two who are about to wed—whether these be in the form of speeches or prayers.

A person should be chosen to announce the ceremony planned by the groom and bride. This could possibly be a parent of one of the two, a relative, a close friend, or just someone who speaks well and will do what is requested. He can introduce the music, introduce parents, relatives and guests, introduce any short speeches or prayers, ask the guests if anyone knows why this marriage should not take place, and ask the parents if they agree to this marriage. The couple can be standing in front or seated for this part.

Then the announcer would draw attention to the focal point of the ceremony. The couple should read their marriage agreement (or give speeches if they desire) and affirm them in front of the entire group. (Repeating a token "I do" does not well represent the kind of conviction that is required to keep a marriage together through the storms of life.) The couple may then sign the copy of the marriage agreement that they have written. Various symbolic things could also be done: exchange rings or other items, jointly light a large candle from their individual candles and then blow their individual candles out, etc. The ceremony should culminate with a very brief prayer to God—kneeling if they desire. "God in Heaven, Creator of the Universe, we ask you at this moment, in the presence of these witnesses, to bind the marriage of John Jones and Susan Smith as husband and wife for the rest of their lives, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." This can be recited or read by the couple, the couple and their families, or printed for the entire group to read. Then the announcer can say: "I now present to you, John and Susan Jones." A kiss, another song, or a receiving line, and many of the usual wedding festivities may follow.

If the couple desires to obtain a state marriage license, they can simply obtain one from a court in just a few minutes sometime before or after the ceremony. This way, they can remember the speaking of their vows before friends, relatives and fellow-believers as their marriage before God and by the authority of God. They can view their trip to the court as the bureaucratic procedure that it is.